FEAR (First Enjoy And Reread)
by SheerLuck Home
Summary: Read this parody at your own risk... seriously, Alma is never far behind; some injuries may occur to your spleen. I will not be held responsible. Enjoy the blood though: I did.
1. Interval 01

**INTERVAL 01**

Digestion - Point of Pie

 **F** ettel **E** ats **A** nd **R** egurgitates

 _(Interval 01- Inception- Point of Origin)_

First Encounter Action Recon secret operatives are getting briefed on their mission in the shitty 'meeting room', a large monitor is hanged on the wall showing a peculiar scene. Apparently someone is busy making acquaintance with an employee; by the means of his teeth. Said employee must also be dead now judging by how famished the perpetrator seems to be if not only by the amount of blood found on the scene. Additionally, two armed soldiers are standing watch as their boss just chows down, a bottle of BBQ sauce lying next to him.

The members watching the scene were composed of three men and one woman. One of the men present, JaCowSki, was the first to talk:

« Fucker's got quite an appetite….»

The medical and scene-recon expert, a woman named Jin, replied, «He's getting something else out of it.»

«Such as vitamins and nutrients? Would that also give him potassium?»

«No, I was thinking of something more along the lines of him getting his kicks.»

Her teammates waited the "more-than-required" call for a joke, but it never came, which meant she was serious. After moments of listening to Fettel masticate with utmost joy, the Lieutenant Betters finally pressed mute.

«Knew I should have done that when the meeting started, hours ago…. »

Someone coughed. The Lieutenant kept briefing:

«Alright, under direct contact from Arm-a-Scum Technologies Corporation; our mission is to locate, this...», he avoided looking at the man in question, «...cannibalistic maniac, we don't really know exactly the extent of his capabilities-»

Jin interrupted him, «Except for his astonishing devotion to "self-refueling." »

«…right, that, but we do know that he is known to be powerful-»

This time it was JaCowSki's turn to cut him off, «He lifts? Doesn't look like it from here.»

The woman speculated out loud, «I wonder what human flesh tastes like…»

«Something like regret?»

Betters exploded, «Fucking fried chicken, could you all let me finish?! He has supernatural powers coming from his mind, he can do shit with it, it's some scientific crap that I can't comprehend.»

Jin whispered, «No surprise there…»

«Anyway he controls those guys, they're called Replica Soldiers, be aware when dealing with this elite since he commands them with his mind and all so I guess he could fuck around in yours as well, or some more complicated smart crap like that. In other words, you find Fettel you put an end to this nonsense.»

JaCowSki looked at his boss, «Replica Soldiers? Mind control freak AKA cannibalistic dude on the loose? Rated M for mature? See, this shit is why nobody takes us seriously!»

Jin crossed her arms, «No, the reason why we're tagged as useless morons is because we're lead by some incompetent fool who doesn't even know it himself.»

The Lt. confirmed this, «Got that right Jin, what you say is always important to me.»

She suddenly felt the urge to kill the sufficient prick, but instead only asked a question, «How do we find him?»

Betters motioned to the screen, «Arm-a-Scum implanted some transmitter in his left nipple back then.»

JaCowSki lifted a hand to his own chest in some unconscious sympathetic response, «That's convenient…..I think.»

The Lt. then looked Pointman's way, who had been entirely motionless and silent, hiding behind his shades and cloth-mask. «What about you buddy, ready for some ass-kissing, I uh mean kicking?»

JaCowSki scoffed, «Put him in the field? Are you fucking bat-shit crazy having goddamn lost it and is now an asylum case? He just transferred in an hour ago!»

The woman looked at him, «Don't you mean 'week'.»

«No barely just a fuckin' hour ago! I saw him descend from that truck, shoot some targets in the training field for only five minutes and then they gave him one of our outfits; plus he has the right to wear this cloth on his head for some reason while we're not allowed to look as badass.»

Betters waved a hand, «You've seen his training results, his reflexes are totally off the charts. Besides, he's got one hell of a father fucking delicious soup receipt.»

JaCowSki quickly sized him up and down, «Wha…?...whatever, it's your call.»

The Lt. licked his lips, «Damn right it is.»

Pointman didn't give a shit since he just doesn't, he never cared for anything. From his birth forward he never did, even never spoke a word. Some say he doesn't even blink under those black shades of his but that's just rumors.

The camera zoomed in on Fettel's face, becoming clearer as the blurred pixels changed to a more adequate resolution. At the view, Pointman felt something…..

...felt he needed to take a piss. I told you he _doesn't give a shit…._

* * *

Lt. Betters drove Pointman to some dark alleys near some abandoned building deciding that's where he'd drop him off and nowhere else. Pointman could care less, the sooner he left that car and the smell of feces permeating the air the better. So it was no surprise the engine had merely come to an alt that the soldier darted out and vanished at a corner.

His first encounter were planks, easy enough, he destroyed the obstruction like a pro.

When he entered the decrepit building though that's when bizarre things started to occur. At some point he moved around a corner where tiles suddenly decided to quit being held on the walls and performed synchronized suicides. Next a bloodied face flashed before the soldier's eyes; he didn't even so much as flinch and just went on, only to see a shadow ahead.

First he thought JaCowSki was just being an ass, talking to himself and walking like a zombie; exactly like he would do all the time off duty. But Pointman soon realized that JaCowSki couldn't suddenly evaporate into a black cloud of ashes, let alone move a door with his mind, or push supplies off a shelf without touching any of it more so without even being present in the first place.

A low ominous voice then mentioned they hated cookies; he just dismissed it and continued forward.

Soon he got reunited with JaCowSki, whom randomly felt like vandalizing a door with his gunstock shattering the glass, then disappeared just as fast. Pointman made his way around the obstruction and found him again, that is until the guy decided to play it as if they were in a movie and kick that door open….only to realize it only end well in movies. After four hours of cursing plus holding his leg in pain, seeking compassion from a hidden-faced and motionless Pointman; he then opened the door.

Time seemed to slow down, pretty much the same as when Pointman presses the R1 button to…oops, breaking fourth-wall here. In any event, JaCowSki just decided he'd vanish into the same dark ashes as the unknown man from earlier. How nice of him to just fuck off like that while on duty, leave all the recon work to him; well, who cares. Pointman walked through the ashes, checking his neat reflection in the flack of water on his way.

Further ahead laid his second obstacle in the form of a cheap padlock on a door; some words appeared right in front of the soldier ordering him to waste bullets trying to shoot it off but Pointman broke it with his head instead, everything worked out fine still.

Some voice then said, _"You were born here, in this place, exactly where you're walking right this instant, no wait now you've gone too far. I know because I was there…..well not really, well yeah but, fuckin' fack just walk to my corpse and never mind what I just mumbled."_

He then arrived into the next room where a present had been abandoned there for him. He must've zoned out for long since when he turned around JaCowSki was there, talking, like usual. The dead bloodied man forcefully sitting on the chair was mute of course, holding a box of Oreo on his lap. Betters then told them that Fettel's signal had been picked up on the roof, Pointman was then sent to check it out while the other would just remain behind and take it easy, probably eat the rest of the Oreos; ass.

Going up the stairs, a presence was seen walking by the door but nobody was there when Pointman came out. Being alone brought his sight to the horizon so he was just admiring the beautiful sky when something hit him in the face. Fettel had merely just given him his second gift in the form of a wooden plank. It apparently took him a little while before he came back to reality since the wall behind Paxton was now painted with blood, so he figured the man must have passed the time by snacking on another human, waiting patiently; how kind of him. When Pointman actually moved his head a bit to look across him, Fettel knew it was time to strike F.E.A.R. in the man's heart, or at least in his face.

Kneeling down, he stared at the soldier, «The dead man's name was Chows Hamburger. Ahh, I remember him, but are the memories mine or hers? Or is it that I am reading your mind, or the ones of your squad, or the other squad on that other mission? Hard to say, this gift of mine is not that easily controlled…..»

He licked his fingers as if he was still savoring his last meal, remembering things only he could see while forgetting the one actually taking place before him. Pointman stared, the replica soldiers just remained there motionless, then Fettel suddenly came back from wherever he had gone to in his mind.

«It makes no difference, he deserved to die; they all deserve to die. To just be hunted down like mere preys then devoured to only be ripped to shreds once their memories has been assimilated. Tell me, what kind of BBQ sauce do you prefer?»

Pointman blinked this time, seemed like he hadn't done that in ages, alright he never blinks so that was his first time. Fettel seemed to relentlessly stare at him, then after a while he said nonchalantly; «You're supposed to lose consciousness again so I can mystically disappear so as to pretend this meeting of ours actually never occurred…hell even the blood on the wall behind me will vanish.»

Nothing happened so Fettel hit him in the face with the plank again; blackout.

PM came to for the second time, from slumbers he isn't used to since he never sleeps; he was getting up when Betters came over radio:

«What was that fucked up creepy voice I just heard? …Do you have multiple personalities? Whatever the fuck you're doing, or whatever the hell you are; report back to your team. We lost Fettel's signal again.»

Amateurs or simply ominous? You decide….

Before he completely returned to the now-known-carcass with the probably emptied cookie box, he overheard JaCowSki talking in his back, or more precisely in his face but to his right through a wall.

«What do you think of the new guy?»

Jin kept analyzing the corpse as she spoke, poking the cadaver in his remaining eyeball, «Didn't know you're gay; absolutely no problem with that at least you'll get off my back…..»

«Wha, no, that's not what I meant!»

«Say what you mean then.»

«Doesn't he freak you out?»

«Is he supposed to?»

«Well earlier I found him creepily staring at this corpse, switching aim at it and all; plus I bet he's the one who ate all the damn cookies, the selfish ass.»

She glanced at him, «Yes I'm sure that explains the black powdered remains of Oreos on the side of your mouth. Or perhaps he did eat them all and then you guys just decided to share, both locking mouths; is that what you're trying to tell me?»

«Nno, listen! It's something about the way he looks, he looks strange.»

The medic went back to her investigation, «The day that I will look up to you as a judge of character will be a sad day indeed. Scratch that, stuck here with you, it can't get any shittier.»

«NO, it's about his eyes….»

«You can't even see them….»

«…it's like he sees right through you!»

«Maybe because you're one dimensional.»

«Oh yeh, what does that even mean?»

«Figure it out, genius.»

Pointman had enough of this and decided to make his presence known, making JaCowSki nearly piss himself.

«H-hey, back already!»

Jin pulled some equipment out of her tiny medical bag and motioned to the men, «You two can leave, you're done here, I'm staying to make sure this cadaver gets properly handled.»

«Ha, yeh you do that, you 'handle' him right.»

She felt homicidal again. «One dimensional, keep proving my point; and, as dead as this man is, I bet he has more vigor than you'll ever have.»

«Tssh…..no wait…uhhh…..what…?»

Then out of nowhere a flashback occurred. A guy wearing a white coat was seen talking to himself facing a corner and having spasms; too much cocaine does that.

«I tried to forget….I've tried so hard to forget, but no amount of alcohol, self-administrated drugs or sessions of vigorously hitting my face on the wall would help…..! ...what was I talking about again?»

* * *

 _Author Note: The reason why I put my title and the game's real titles underneath is for people to notice the word-play: since I don't suppose everyone will remember what the real titles were. That way, with something to gauge my titles with, I assume they have more punch than if they were by themselves._

 _Also in the next chapters I will mainly be using food names for the nameless-unmentioned characters of the game, I thought it would fit thanks to Fettel's cannibalistic nature. Plus, it is completely normal that there are some Intervals missing; it only is because I did not write about them. Instead I favored the SFOD-D squad 'Bonus Mission', which was really enjoyable to write._

 _Lastly, don't bust my brain with your 'Fuck Everything And Run' cliché, apparently that's all people can come up with and it's an extremely easy one. Hopefully the ones I wrote in this parody will be refreshing to most. I've written the word 'Armacham' five times differently as well, so they're not errors._


	2. Interval 02

**INTERVAL 02**

Incapacitation - Fuck Everything

 **F** or **E** ver **A** lma **R** eturns

 _(I.02- Initiation- First Encounter)_

We are now heading towards the South River Wastewater Treatment Plant, a mouthful. An invisible camera takes useless shots of the sky until a chopper comes into view. With magnificent moves from the pilot whose name will remain unknown, the camera bravely zooms in and through the cockpit, now showing us the interior. Four armed soldiers are ready…for whatever they're ready for, our mute hero included.

One of them unglued his face from the window, «We're going to ArmaScum? Great, I heard they have strawberry cheesecakes.», said Buttocks.

His teammate SpareRibs, who wasn't as dense; turned to him, «You're right.»

«They do?»

«I mean, I heard it too.»

«…oh.»

SpareRibs chuckled as Buttocks was thankful for wearing a helmet as for his tears went unnoticed. Pointman was fine with remaining motionless, silent and not blinking; he almost forgot to breathe.

The helicopter hovered above a landing zone; mainly the pilot assumed it was a safe area and just banged the damn thing into whatever was there, yelling from the front to " _drop the fuck out of my machine at once!"_ They obeyed by grabbing the lines and jumped down.

Touchdown folks, say your prayers.

Buttocks, being who he was, was being himself again, «I can smell something fishy in the air.»

His comrade leveled his machinegun atop his left shoulder, «Well we _are_ on a docking port.»

«Damn you're clever.»

«Fuck you.»

Their leader, known as Team Leader 2, touched down, «Alright shut it. We'll split into two teams, all men, meaning you two; stay with me except for Pointman that will just patrol this area for a while in order to find the goddamn hidden switch for this freakin' gate. Gotta be around here somewhere, if not, don't forget to search these stinkin' waters as well.»

The taller man replied, «Sending him alone is 'two teams'?»

«Are you questioning my authority, SpareRibs?»

«No…»

«Good.»

«…..questioning your IQ….»

«What was that?»

«Sir that was solely the noise of Buttocks farting. See what I did there Buttocks…?»

« If I really broke wind you'd be dead.»

«No, if you don't shut up this instant you're the one that is going to die.»

Team Leader 2 interrupted again, «You two put a lead on it.»

Buttocks glanced around, «Hey where's Pointman?»

«He had plenty of time to leave in between the eternity you two kept at it. At least HE follows orders. Might earn him some point, man.»

Everyone ignored that shitty easy 'joke'.

SpareRibs whispered, «…which MIGHT get him killed.»

«What?»

«Same annoying squad member farting again.»

Team Leader 2 turned to Buttocks, «Damn son, you should think of having that fixed before it has all of us killed.»

* * *

The lone soldier was investigating, he found some syringe lying on top of a box and despite its unknown origin just decided to inject himself with it, totally harmless.

The rest of the team waited as the gate opened and then hell broke loose. There was a massacre, blood, flames, a little girl gesturing 'fuck yous', balloons; all in slow motion. Meet your doom at the hand of the professional of killing.

Pointman was busy staring at the corpse of an employee upstairs but the noises of the deadly encounter were projected into his earpiece, agonizing screams and all with a bit of static and paranormal activities of some kind. Anyone else would have checked it out instantly; but that wasn't Pointman's style.

Still, the way that employee had died, with the mark on the wall facing its corpse as if his head had violently banged there all of a sudden until his insides exploded where he now lay; ominous…

One hour later he stopped being fascinated and went back down to the rendez-vous point, except that there was no one left in the vicinity to gather with. There were a bunch of skeletons lying there in a bloodbath, fuming, same RPL Sub-Machineguns found at their sides, plus they were three; but it couldn't have been his team. They probably just vanished mysteriously, like abandoning him to this plant for a kit-kat brake back there at the base; yeah, that must be it.

Well no more damn was given, Pointman could care less, he had been abandoned since his birth so he knew abandonment enough plus was more than capable of handling himself. So he just ran passed his dead squad members and entered another building.

Inside, a guy was dragging himself on the floor there, mumbling something that Pointman didn't hear since the overall volume of the replica soldiers nearby greatly overshadowed the man's whisper; well so much for trying to get immersed in the storyline.

The soldier just abandoned the corpse and decimated the enemies in the next room, painting everything red. The cleaning employees would have been pissed seeing all the work that had to be done; fortunately they wouldn't be put through the torture since they're all dead, now that's being lucky.

In another area it was suddenly raining dead guys, one to be more precise. Blood dripped from above; our lone soldier would have liked to remain there and relax while listening to the soft rhythm of the hemoglobin hitting the ground but knew he couldn't.

Later, some more planks impeded progress but Pointman fears nothing; the woods showed no resistance thus were taken care of immediately.

Behind another door was when the JaCowSki-sightings began; the guy was dragging feet up ahead, PM followed him only to have him vanished into ashes.

Then was heard the voice of some little girl whispering, «Over here….»

Pointman turned and turned but couldn't find out where to go.

«Just walk over to the damn corner to your right! _Fuck…!»_

So he did. He had suspicions about JaCowSki hiding somewhere drinking beers, until he crossed an additional corner and saw him once more; with a slow walk exactly as if he'd been getting drunk, except he turned into a cloud of ashes again right when Pointman was about to hit him on the head with his pistol. A trace of blood on the floor led the remaining soldier to another area of slaughter, skeletons abandoned there on the floor bathing in thick blood; or was it cranberry juice?

Pointman wouldn't know as for he never tasted it, the juice.

Our silent man walked on one of them then went up a flock of stairs. There were shattered window panes at his right, with nowhere else to go he decided to drop below and recon the hell out of the area.

Little did he suspect that the place would light up in flames and explode thanks to the same girl that had killed the other guys earlier. With no other concern though she just hurled him through a window and was done with.

* * *

 _Author Note: if interested I've got humorous videos on You Tube on the F.E.A.R. games, as well as music videos for them; plus more about many other games. Since Fan Fiction doesn't allow me to copy the link here you'll have to paste the following on the You Tube page:_

 _Paxton Fettel (Tribute) - Seizure of Power (F.E.A.R. 1)_

 _And that's just one example of videos on F.E.A.R. games you can find on my De Void page, hopefully you can enjoy or get my sense of humor._


	3. Interval 03

**INTERVAL 03**

Escalope - Indigestion

 _(I.03-Escalation- Infiltration)_

Pointman had received a real hard knock back from his psychic friend, been taking a nap ever since. Jin was standing over him reading his pulse, she felt like checking his eyes but thought about the ' _they look through your soul'_ thing and processed it might not be a good idea after all. The SFOD-D soldier that was with her leaned over;

«I know what you're thinking of doing, been standing here going over it myself; just don't.»

They were right, by that time Pointman was regaining consciousness anyway. Jin stood up, «Hey welcome back to this shitty world, although I don't know how you survived. Your fall might have been cushioned from that thick cloth you wear over your head, who knows…»

Betters' voice was heard, «So he's up, then buddy you're going to keep looking for JaCowSki.»

Pointman swore he wanted to kill the fuck every single time the dreaded word 'buddy' hit his eardrum like an electric shock of intense displeasure.

«I'm still defecating, I mean 'detecting' a life sign….I think.»

Jin rubbed her forehead, «Yeah send him alone, look how well that worked out for JaCowSki….»

Pointman got up and was ready for action right away, absolutely totally not concerned at all about anything, we like him like that. The SFOD-D soldier he passed by looked at him as if dreading something then wished him good luck. Pointman knows there are no such things…..only slow-mo powers and guns, plus grenades when you're in a jam…..all in all a good gamer required but we're breaking the fourth wall here.

In his adventure in evil-land, Pointman came across a bunch of bloody corpses, what else, all wearing the orange jumpsuit of the complex. It even looked like one of them had rammed his own head into the piece of machinery nearby, leaving brain matters on the surface, then bled on that workbench before continuing his descent into oblivion on the floor: not the best way to get rid of a headache.

Suicides, Pointman would have done the same if he had been working in this place for years. Alma was nearby and read his thoughts, then shook her head thinking how oblivious he was sometimes, then left before she felt the envy to end his existence too soon.

Arrived at some big platform, he activated the lever for it to move to another position so he could cross over; meanwhile he thought he'd listen to the phone hanged on the wall. The recorder started:

«You have, one, message: " _Mark what the freaking fuck is going on over there, it sounded like an explosion; or was it just you farting?",_ end of messages.»

Pointman dismissed the worthless note from an equally insignificant person and just crossed over, came to a door with the glass shattered, the blood splatter on the shards and the trail descending to the floor indicated what kind of altercation went up here. A certain serial-killer blood-splatter analyst would agree with these accurate, and simple as fuck, conclusions.

Our soldier crouched down when he heard voices, real ones this time and not just in his head:

«We've received Intel of an intruder.»

«Yeah I haven't seen anything.»

«Roger, keep your eyes open.»

Pointman then immediately eliminated them all easily; I guess their eyes weren't open enough.

The next area eventually led to some wide corridor that seemed located underneath the complex, three rats the size of a dog scurried passed him then the light on his head started flickering. He might have bashed his cranium on the wall trying to return the object to a more functional state but he got surprised by soft giggles plus a little girl running by in front of him.

Time slowed down a bit again to allow inattentive players to never miss the paranormal activities that they have to notice. He hoped she didn't feel like blowing the place sky high again, doubted he'd survive it this time without a window here to be shoved out of. He turned the corner; kid was nowhere to be found, although there was a huge pile of human remains there but nothing alarming.

He ran to another skeleton corpse in a dark corner, picked up a new unidentified syringe and shoved it in his neck without any further questioning once more. Then he heard the girl again behind him, turned around in time to see her run pass where he was. When PM checked, she wasn't there again of course; she sure liked to play hide and seek in dark fucked up areas. Being tricked like this made him suddenly start to breathe louder and it was nice to hear; never mind that information... After jumping for a while watching his funny shadow on a wall doing the very same, fortunately; he then went up the yellow ladder in case that girl decided to change her mind and explode him to bits after all.

During his research through decapitation-complex, Pointman came across his first laptop lying on a table; you can bet Betters ordered him to check it out. Upon pressing a button that he shouldn't have, a Bieber's song started playing followed immediately by a whole magazine unloaded in the machine.

Jin's voice came over the radio, «The hell was that atrocity?»

«Asked Pointman to check something, but he took care of it; aren't that right buddy?»

Pointman fired again at the already dismantled laptop by lack of a certain target at hand to unload his annoyance into.

«Just another one of your "great" outcome, Betters….»

«Thanks! ;D»

Jin felt like puking followed by repeatedly stabbing herself to death, instead she just cut communication. Pointman finally uncoiled his tight grasp from the gun and kept advancing. R.I.P. computer, and ill-fated employee that was hiding under the table.

After taking a bath in some chemical water he wasn't supposed to touch, the soldier saw the girl, her shadow anyway. She then proceeded to make out some shadowy forms on the wall with her hands; shifted from a wolf to a human then a dragon eating them both with blood splattering all around then people screaming and catching on fire. Magnificent. Show over, Pointman tossed his pop-corn aside and kept walking; he admitted again the girl had some nerves playing in such places with all the shooting, as if she gave a piss.

Well Pointman didn't like kids, as long as she remained out of his way he wouldn't shoot her in the face, or maybe in both of her eye sockets; still procrastinating on that outcome.

* * *

 **INTERVAL 03 Continues**

Escalope - Heave, Resist

 _(Escalation- Heavy Resistance)_

Pointman was yet bathing in places he shouldn't went Betters and Jin came in on the radio:

«Jin, hey I was thinking…. »

«That's a first….»

«…is your name related to that alcohol beverage?»

«No.»

«…..oh….well, any words from JaCowSki yet?»

«Negative but I found some human remains; impossible to identify without a blood work.»

«Oh yeah totally, I get that; so, what's a blood work?»

«That is an explanation that would require precious time we don't have, or the patience from me having to repeat myself over 77 times since you just won't understand. So never mind that, the fact is this previously-whole body that I have discovered has been completely obliterated hence there is no evidence sufficient enough for me to really advance that this crimson skeleton is in fact JaCowSki's bones structures left behind for oversized rats to feed on.»

«….uh-huh, oh yeah, fascinating. Well it can't be him, his life signs are unusual but he's definitely alive. Yeah, DEFINITELY, I am _SURE_ of it!»

«…..I'll keep looking, but we might keep into consideration that, perhaps, he is deceased.»

Betters then uttered a short quick 'NO!'. Jin kept her professionalism nonetheless, «But it is my job to regard all possibilities, the fact that he might have passed away enters in the equation.»

«Where in the hell could he have passed to?»

«What?»

«Anyhow, you find that out.»

Betters cut communication, luckily since last time he thought he did but the whole squad heard him piss. As for Pointman, he finally stopped dipping his ass in water, went through that vent he had been facing the whole time hence ended in a room where the water below reflected nicely on the walls around. It made the soldier feel like stopping and take in the vibe but got interrupted by JaCowSki's ghost standing in a doorframe at his right.

«She's afraid of you…..she's not but _hey_ , got to flatter your ego a bit.», then vanished like any other times.

Pointman went into another room where some reporter was talking over the radio with a very annoying and repetitive tune in the background.

«According to reports—»

The object got shot and bounced off the wall, surprising how that felt good. He never liked radios, much less reporters that reports about useless report. Plus it was a fucking war zone here, filled with blood and human body parts exploding everywhere; nobody has got time for that guy. Next he got stuck in a vent somewhere as he was having another flashback, now of Paxton and another guy sat on a chair. The man wearing the red-coat revolved around him like a prey, or more like a juicy meal that he was more than anxious to devour.

« Where is Arma?»

«You mean _'Alma_ ', right? Can't even remember the name of your own mother?»

«Send bait over the water and a fish will catch it.»

«…..shit….»

«Where is she?»

«I don't know what you're talking about!»

«You just mentioned her name a second ago.»

«No, you did.»

Paxton sighed and dug his fingers in his front pocket taking out a fork stained with blood. «Some secrets get buried deeper than others….», he got that distant expression again, «….unlike that time as a kid with the stupid neighbor's dogs barking non-stop whose bones I tried to conceal which they find out; didn't bury them deep enough. Or that time when I-» suddenly realizing he was disturbing the man further, victim's pants now humid, «…never mind, we can't all appreciate sweet memories it seems. The occurrence of these events is when they decided it might be better to lock me up in a fortified room with an imbecilic child possessing no power.»

« Yeah I've seen the footage….»

«But I know where to dig, or search; same thing.»

«No wait you got the wrong guy!»

Fettel pulled a photo from his jacket's pocket and shoved it in the man's face, «You're telling me this isn't you?»

«I don't know.»

«Stop lying.»

«No really I don't, the picture's too close I can't see shit!»

Fettel moved the image, «Now this here shows a man incredibly look-alike plus having your entire name on his employee ID card, revolving around the Ham-a-Scum complex and holding a folio titled "Tup Seekret, Origin Projekt: Alma Wide"; what was it you were saying?»

«….ah, you've, got the wrong guy…?»

«Hush now Mr. BigBooty, the time for bullshitting is done…..unless, you've got something to confess?»

«No man I know nothing!»

«Your denying, so futile….»

Paxton picked up a box of chocolate he was concealing in his neatly-combed hair; at its view the victim's eyes bulged out: must have hurt. Fettel gently pushed them back in place though, wouldn't want this imbecile missing on anything that was about to happen….

«Please _DON'T_! It gives me intense diarrhea!»

«Why do you think I brought that here, by kindness of heart?»

* * *

 **INTERVAL 03 still continues**

Escalope - Bad Breath

 _(Escalation- Bad Water)_

The flashback ended and Pointman fell out of the vent, dropped on his face but managed not to break any teeth. Then he was in the process of descending a ladder when the girl appeared in front of him. They stared for a good hour, until she got bored and vanished; staring contest = score one to zero for Pointman. At least that's how he reckoned it in his head.

Following descend of same ladder, he turned to his left only to see Fettel calmly approaching, «Not to appear senile but; he deserved to die, they all deserve to die….there, done.»

There was no time for any fist to the face as for the cannibal vanished, and precisely when Pointman was inhaling so he choked on the ashes for a good minute. During that time a certain thought crossed his mind that these residues had a peculiar taste, something like BBQ.

Soldier finally regained his composure and went on, arrived at some turbine of sort he saw another one of those dark ghost walk in between the machinery up front. Pointman walked around the corner, ' _so many corners to walk around of'_ he thought, then saw the man again:

«There's something in the water….other than floating-dead fishes I mean…fuck I know what I saw so why am I trying to justify myself to my own damn mind!?»

He then vanished; Pointman made sure not to breathe through those this time then entered a corridor. There were some cheap light bulbs hanged half way from the floor which all started to flicker, soon he was about crossing the door when it closed in his face. Grabbing his nose, still not giving a damn from the blood flowing down to his lips; he turned around and saw the form of that girl, standing there with a single bulb still lit behind her.

Pointman then stood there as another staring contest followed, he thought. Well he couldn't stare into her thick black eyes from this far so he walked closer, plus he had vowed to shoot her in the face if she stood in his way that which she was undoubtedly doing right now.

Before he could lift his weapon however she pulled him into another dimension, into a memory of hers again. «Idiot.»

He stood now in that same corridor but with the ceiling made of fresh blood, a door stood farther with 'EXIT…maybe' written above it. While he made his excruciatingly-slow way towards it he heard weird shit such as: «Come on, make her push!», and the sound of someone in labor….. sat on a toilet; then a baby was heard crying, whatever the connection between the two is.

That put Pointman on edge, the sound was like nails on a chalkboard for him so he ran to the door hopefully leaving the ruckus behind; but it shattered like glass revealing a form floating his way. Turned around just in time to shoot what looked like some yellow-eyed, skin-burned ghost-guy hovering above ground; one bullet took care of it so it went up in dark smokes. Then he saw her black form, feet touching the blood-ceiling as she softly laughed before vanishing. Pointman then went to that other door at the end of the same corridor but when he reached it the soldier was sent back to the smelly complex, now opening a real door.

Great mind-tricks, now those were something really pleasant to look forward to; if only he was capable of emotions.

Soon he got reunited with the poor guy left for dead tied on that chair, when the soldier got closer he saw blood and brown bits smeared all over the man's face; it also smelled worse than that time Pointman's roommate ate five burritos in a row.

«Alma, not 'Arma'….if Fettel finds her…..you better get ready for the biggest ass fuck of the century… _he made me eat THEM ALL….!»_

He died, one hand resting on an empty box labeled ' _Triple Chocolate Goodness'._

Betters was heard, «I guess now we know why Chows Hamburger had a box of cookies on his lap, that cannibalistic freak forces them to eat what they hate; how _PROFOUNDLY SICK_ is that!? We may be fighting against a new kind of psychopath, the WORSE kind! It makes me wanna-»

He kept on rambling though no one was paying attention.

Meanwhile, another SFOD-D team had already infiltrated Arma-Scam Headquarters prior to Pointman and his having the bright idea to investigate there instead of randomly waste precious time in other buildings miles away from this location. Blame Betters, always blame him.

Team Leader 1 put an index on his ear, «Den Mother, this is EvilBabies; do you read?»

«Sometimes, actually just recently finished this book called ' _How To Den Mother For Idiots'_ ; you ever read that?»

«…»

«It's pretty good.»

«EvilBabies, over.»

One soldier, named FreshFlesh, turned to his fellow comrades, «Hey guys, why isn't it called 'Dead Father' ?»

Team Leader 1 appeared to be busy staring at a wall lost in contemplation, or perhaps having second thought about wearing a J-string on such a frightening mission; he should have worn a diaper instead….

So Bacon provided an answer; «You mean, 'Den Father'?»

«No, 'Dead Father'.»

«….you do realize it's spelled 'DEN', right?»

«Tssh, of course…..»

«Right….»

«…no need to be such an ass….»

Bacon seemed to reflect upon when he'd been an ass at all when the four men started to walk towards the small stairway; everything was as silent as when they first arrived: and as dead. One of them noticed that the paintings hanged on the walls sucked, that was undeniably crucial information he'd have to include in his report. Then FreshFlesh stopped, blocking passage and facing Bacon,«…y'know, still, I mean, why not Dead Father?»

«For fuck's sake…!»

Their leader suddenly came back to reality, «We lost contact with Den Mother, continue your search for that sexy son of a bastard Packs-A-Ton FuckTale as planned; we'll keep radio signaling on our way throughout the complex. Stay on your sex….whatever the fuck that means.»

They eyed Team Leader 1 suspiciously until he vanished around a corner.

FreshFlesh pointed it out, «Hey! He just vanished around the corner!»

«He crossed the corner, idiot, but he's still there.»

«Oh yeah, how do you know?»

«Well fuck just go check it out yourself, maybe then you'd shut up for once.»

«But, it's just bathed in darkness, who knows what might be there.»

«Are you fucking kidding me?»

«No if I was it wouldn't be kidding.»

«Wha-?»

The remaining squad member named Ham finally voiced his annoyance, «Would you two cut it out and do your damn job already?»

Bacon looked his way, «Easy for you to say, you're teamed with Team Leader 1….speaking of which, why are you still here?»

«I'm, kind of afraid of the dark myself…»

Bacon stared at them both, «….fuck this, I'm going; you two can just hold hands together while we take care of the _other_ weird guy, FretTell.»

Their teammate left and vanished around the corner as well, the two men eyed each other's hands but decided it wasn't an option; holding guns required the use of both limbs already….

FreshFlesh broke the awkward silence, «Hey, dude, um; what's 'stay on your sex' means?»

«It's supposed to be 'watch your six'.»

«I see….what does it mean?»

«Don't know.»

«Well, shit….»

* * *

 **INTERVAL 03 won't end**

Escalope - Insert Some Unknown-to-most Latin Phrase Here

 _(Escalation- Exeunt Omnes)_

Pointman was getting irked being stuck in the same place for Interval 03 that have so many chapters. He went up a long ladder, in its middle he had view on the level he was ascending above. A replica soldier was busy placing proximity mines behind himself, PM was suddenly racked with the need to sneeze. Dilemma; it was whether he let it all out but lost the advantage for a surprise attack, or keep it in with risk of self explosion.

He sneezed, the soldier heard it and turned around in surprise; stepping on his own trap thus painting the walls red, setting things on fire, the blow broke loose an electric panel nearby that started sending deadly sparks in the corridor: absolutely preventing any passage now.

Pointman shrugged, could have been worse; like the replica actually not panicking instead taking his gun shooting the soldier in the balls thus making him lose grip and fall to his doom so he'd suffer there for hours with both legs broken furthermore having gangrene and fever take over then become so hungry he could eat a Tyrannosaurus-Rex: until he finally died from this whole mix of things. Yeah, **much worse** …

Our lone man soon reached some part what looked like sewers of sorts, moved around another corner in time to see some unknown cloaked entity jump in the water at his level; was it a threat? Probably, like everything else here; even some of the gas pipes throughout this place maliciously wanted Pointman dead. But they won't succeed, no they won't; PM always prevails. Back to that cloaked thing, the soldier told himself that they got weird shit in these sewers, not to mention real feces floating; here he was expecting Ninja Turtles or a scientific mutated into an oversized lizard.

He might be watching too many movies, especially since he could scrutinize the best scenes in slow-motion whenever he wanted thanks to his unnatural skill.

Pointman eventually got out of there, after some more carnage of course, made it outside where he killed another wave of enemies without any remorse, then a chopper came to pick him up. He was glad it was just that as for someone had previously said over radio signal ''keep your eyes open for that Black Hawk'', which in Pointman's busy mind and ears filled with screams of agonizing soldiers had twisted into:

«Keep your eyes open for that black cock!»

…..no thanks.


	4. SFOD-D Team: Boner Mission

**SFOD-D Team: Boner Mission**

 **F** ruitless **E** fforts **A** bort **R** egroup

 _(SFOD-D: that Bonus Mission)_

Two Seriously Fucked On Drugs-Disheartened members are patrolling throughout Arm-a-Scum HQ, the other team is somewhere nearby also looking for any clues.

One of the men doing recon had drawn a childish watermelon on the back of his helmet, hence his name, 'Pastèque' (Passtec); whom was currently scratching his ass looking around absentmindedly. His more mature and intelligent teammate pressed a finger to his ear, «Den Mother, this is Foxtrot, we've reached the 11th floor, no sign of P. Fettel. Den Mother, do you rea…..copy?»

«asmanfkjanfandgak anweqeaneingkangkamblvbocpb…piss.»

«….uhhh, Den Mother, repeat, you're breaking up.»

«FAcking sh…fu…godda….sugary nipples, crap ju…..AH FUCKING HEL….»

«….I think we lost contact, let's keep searching for the freak who snacks on people.»

Watermelon-bearing man faced his teammate, «What sort of name is that, Pee Fettel?»

«No, 'P' as in the letter.»

«…..His first name is just P?»

The smarter one just cleared his throat then went onward. Both members continued their search for the powerful commander, hoping not to become his next tasty meal. They searched through offices, finding orange med kits here and there but no matter how hard they tried it wouldn't fit in their pockets so they just left them there.

Pastèque cursed, «Sucks, I heard we could carry up to ten of these things….man I hate incorrect information!»

Coming across some shitty posters and a magazine with a mustache-wearing, oily-muscled hairy man on the front page, they were starting to think that there were worse things here than Paxton. The one leading heard glass explodes and turned around only to see that it had just been his imbecilic teammate playing 'Let's dodge invisible grenades' jumping through glass panels. Nothing of interest there, he then turned back around to examine a computer at random, screensaver only showed a picture of kittens; he shot it in disgust.

«Almost threw up…..», Salami shivered, «You know, for all we know that maniac might be even taking a goddamn nap somewhere while we search like morons. Might be up there in some of the vent, listening to us, doing creeping hand gestures in front of some light bulb…»

Salami crossed a doorframe while his partner just decided to jump-roll through a window again. Irked by the lack of professionalism from the other man, he turned to him, «You don't have to do that every single time, it's not like I'm impressed but more like getting fucking annoyed; plus it might alert our position to the enemy.»

Pastèque stood there, his eyes moved back and forth between his squad member and the painting hanged on the wall…..then he quickly hit it with his elbow breaking the protective glass.

« _Fucking seriously….!?»_

«Talk about taking the fun out of a mission.»

«Yeah well it'll be far less enjoyable once we're dead crippled by bullets thanks to your lack of common sense.»

«Nobody's around, else they would have noticed us by now.»

Salami walked over dozens of fresh corpses, «What kind of logic is that? They might just be hiding, waiting to ambush us, right behind this door for example.»

«You're too paranoid.»

«My so-called "paranoia" saved me more than once. I suddenly understand why all of your previous teammates got killed.»

Pastèque's sole response was to slide his ass across a desk and shatter another glass panel, alerting replica soldiers nearby: « **CONTACT!»**

Bullets firing and blood splattering followed, some swearing here and there from both parties while Assault Rifles fell from above like rain. Once it was over, Salami fisted Pastèque's collar and brutally shoved him against a wall, « _I_ _fucking swear_ you make one more attempt at fucking this up and I will personally unload an entire battalion of bullets in your ass!»

«K.»

«Fucking shit….», he swiftly let go, «No way my career is going to end solely because of a moron like you. You know your codename should be 'BeefJerky' minus five letters, for a total of four: I'll let you figure out which ones….»

«….beef? Doesn't make sense.»

Salami clenched his jaws while sighing heavily before moving on. Two minutes later they ran into enemy fire again, then later once more among cubicles this time though a hostage voiced his concern, «Please don't put a bullet in my pretty head, my worst F.E.A.R. is to be disfigured!»

He got shot in the face still, replica soldiers don't fuck around. Pastèque winced, «Harsh.»

Salami was recharging his shotgun, «Just shoot the damn squad.»

More gunfire, some more blood; it was all we could hear plus the replica's communications, «Squad check in.»

«No way.»

Ensued funnier screaming as more people dies; next it was over. Pastèque sighed, «That was too damn close.»

«Yeah last time I arrived up to this point this is where you died.»

«….say what?»

«Was busy being trigger-happy and when everything was over I turned around only to find you dead on the floor, your torso touching it but your ass leveled from the ground in some funny position. Stood there staring for some minutes at such an undignified pose, then took your ammo and ran off.»

«…..»

«Doesn't beat the time when we got out of that elevator after the hallucination, you were just lying there lifeless on the floor; nothing had happened and I did zilch but you were just dead there for no reason at all. I had to reload the damn mission just to see if you had anything interesting to say past this checkpoint right here.»

«….»

«About sums it up.», Salami touched his ear, «Den Mother, this is Foxtrot, do you copy?...Dead still, let's continue.»

«W-wait, about that time I "died"; what the fuck man?»

They were walking towards another corridor when they saw a shadow across the thick glass above their heads, obviously another of their squad team, well they'll never really know since he blew up to bits thus painted the glass with his insides.

Pastèque seemed to realize for the first time the complexity of their dangerous mission, «What is happening…..the fuck is goin' on here?»

«Yeah turns out that's all you say passed the aforementioned checkpoint. At any rate we've got to regroup.»

«….uhh…..How many of us are there anyway?»

«No fucking clue, let's just go. The sooner I'm out of here the quicker I can continue my game at Noisy Mountain. Plus I've got that show, Uninteresting Person, to finish; might learn what happened in the past of Mr. Bueno at once.»

They got into an elevator and started hallucinating; Pastèque didn't seem to mind the trip either until it became dark and Salami decided to turn into a bloodied skeleton attempting to murder him. Then the vision ended so it went back to Salami still being in there and Pastèque standing outside looking at him nervously, «Did you see that too? Goddamn those pink teddy bears always scarred the shit outta me.»

Salami exited, not troubled at all, «…what? I saw blood, pool of blood over our heads and then you tried to hug me.»

«No, I tried to kill you.»

«…What?»

«Whut?»

«You said you saw teddy bears, so how would you know that the 'you' in _my_ vision tried to kill me?»

«Repressed hugging desires then pink teddy bears? Man, you're one fucked up soldier.»

«Screw you.»

Salami hurriedly walked passed him knocking his shoulder into his, while Pastèque just faced the elevator making sure no evil bears were following them, plus he was yet afraid that Salami might still try to kill him so he remained at the back. The rest of the recon mission went in silence; Salami was just pissed and frankly didn't give any more damn as to whether his coward-lying-sack-of-shit of a partner died.

They eventually came to a lobby where a party was being held, the kind you don't come alive from.

« _OH SHIT!»,_ FreshFlesh tried to dodge a grenade; t _ried._

The SFOD-D member was thrown backward where he exploded on the wall, now truly earning his nickname, there was also another team providing fire from above against more replica soldiers below. Salami took the light-armored assailant head on and sent a lot of shotgun shells in his face with delight. Then there was no one else to kill after a mere minute of happy decimation.

From above came the voice of what was left of the other team, «You okay down there?», asked Bacon.

The watermelon-bearing hero answered, «We lost contact with Den Mudder.»

Team Leader 1 got closer to the edge while obviously being bothered by something in his ass-crack as he was seen trying to pull it out, internally cursing his choice of underwear for the 27th time, «Same here, all I get is static or some weird ass music of a stereotyped annoying prepubescent boy singing.»

«Alright let's regroup on the 10th floor, East elevator lobby; we'll take this elevator.», Salami motioned to his right.

Pastèque felt like pissing himself, «…shit….»

The leader nodded, «Copy that. Stay on your sex.»

Salami frowned, «….didn't copy but won't ask you to repeat it….»

Pastèque didn't hear Salami's last words, he was too busy getting mentally prepared for the might-be return of the bears in there; if any god existed well he wished never to find out especially not now.

* * *

They discovered an area where it seemed to be in the process of being built or renovated. In any case none of that mattered as for they saw a little girl pass by in slow motion. Salami stared, «Did you see that?»

«Yup, nice red dress. I wonder if it would fit my damsel.»

«You're single; best this way.»

«For whenever I would be in a relationship.»

«Don't ever reproduce.»

«The chick I'll be with will be like me.»

«That's exactly my point, no intelligent woman would ever date you: two stupid people together make stupid mistakes all the time….proof, you were born.», he continued onward.

This place was like a small maze, most areas plunged in darkness and Salami swore he heard Pastèque whine twice but the latter argued it must have been the little girl.

«No way, she looks more hardcore than you plus she was giggling not whining.»

They turned a corner and saw her at the end of the corridor; she jumped from where she was standing, her giggling turning to swears as she fell and rammed her face on the floor then left nothing but ashes behind.

Pastèque shivered, «What's going on in this place?»

Salami went ahead and started decimating the replica group that was yet ambushing them in the room ahead, doing a good job at adding colors to the plain walls. After the carnage, Pastèque went up to him, seemed offended: «Hey, I asked you a question.»

«Sounded as if you were talking to yourself, wouldn't be the first time…»

«Well, what's going on around here?»

«Do I fucking look like I know?! If you kept quiet for more than one second at a time and did your job instead then we wouldn't be here any longer and then _maybe_ we would learn more about this situation so _perhaps I wouldn't feel so_ _ **damn eager to kill you**_ _ **right now!**_ »

He then savagely reloaded the empty chamber with a new shell and left before committing murder or suicide and perhaps both in that order.

The other man remained behind for some seconds. «….I guess there are worse things here than the suffocating darkness…..»

* * *

They went through additional empty bureaus where Pastèque decided to press the button on a recorder.

«Don't touch that.»

«Shh shh, relax.»

«Fucking waste of our time…»

The recorder started, «You have, one, message: " _This is Genevieve ArisTit_.", end of messages.»

Pastèque stared at the machine, «…what the, that's it….?»

Salami sighed and left, Pastèque heard him being exasperated from another vestibule nearby, «Fucking idiot.»

«Tssh, guess she just wanted to say her name or something, weird.»

Pastèque then looked for his partner but failed to find him; in fact watermelon had just crossed the corner giving up right away.

«….. _Salami_?... _..._ **Shit** , the bears must've gotten him…!»

Then he heard voices down the hall and found out that they weren't from aliens or anything but coming from Salami who had reunited with Bacon in a huge lobby room.

He also didn't fail to notice the two elevators standing nearby; «We're _**never**_ safe….»

«I lost Team Leader 1 some while ago, it's like he just vanished out of thin air; that or he just tripped on his own feet again, poked his eyes on a cacti then died from blood loss somewhere. Means I've been alone as fuck in this goddamn twisted paranormal festival of pure horror; or at least almost by myself….What about your partner?»

«Unfortunately no, he's just busy being a dick somewhere back there.»

«What shall we do now?»

«Hold on, this floor's button lighting up.»

Then she came, the doors opened on Death itself, void eyes and an insatiable hunger to decimate by gruesome decapitation. Closer to the elevator, Bacon got effortlessly lifted off the floor and hurled towards the ceiling already being stripped from flesh plus ripped apart mid way; then Pastèque who was further away also turned to bloody chunks of meat. There was no time to rejoice however since Salami died next.

Alma remained among the mess she'd just made and sighed. «All nice and well but it unfortunately never lasts long; got to find new flesh to explode, after all; they all deserve to di—» , she slipped in the blood and whacked her head on the floor. «… _ **DAMMIT!**_ »

The bruised-pride killer vanished instead, leaving behind a scene worthy of some apocalypse, with blood everywhere and skeletons to admire, like an obscure work of art.

Hallelujah fuckers.

Then someone finally came over the radio, «Come in Foxtrot, do you copy, this is Den Mother. Come in Foxtrot…. Where in hell's butthole them ass-eaters disappeared to…?»


	5. Interval 04

**INTERVAL 04**

Penetration - PF is hot

 **F** ought **E** veryone **A** t **R** andom

 _(I.04-Infiltration-LZ is Hot)_

Finally our team is en route to Harm-a-Scum Headquarters, Pointman is on board an helicopter with two other squad members and the unidentified pilot, but as usual nobody cares about them; poor pilots.

Betters was inquiring over communications, «Den Mother, what is the status of your recon team?»

Pointman was wondering why there never were any seats in these choppers as he watched the two other men scratch each other's ass.

«Den Mother?...Damn, why does it seem like we can never get a hold of these guys?»

The chopper was closing in on the roof of the building now as soldier 1 exclaimed, «Man, I live for this shit!»

Soldier 2 eyed him, «Keep it in your pants!...I said put that thing back in your pants fucking weirdo!»

They had not even landed yet that the two men got shot and died, leaving Pointman the sole survivor, no surprise there; he fired back and everyone else joined the voluminous invisible pile of corpses that our warrior had being accumulating so far. Got down some stairs and into the building, heard static: it was the replica forces again:

«We lost contact with the roof, maybe they're all group-masturbating.»

«Unknown, we're checking out.»

Footsteps coming his way, everything was taken care of with nice sweeps from the VK-12 Combat Shotgun, no survivors, no mercy; this baby was all shoot-first-and-ask-for-a-cigar-later. **Hell yeah.** Pointman made his way further into the bowel of the beast; no really it had started to look like that since he'd been painting the walls with shitload of body parts and gallons of blood.

At some point a background vibe was triggered, sounded like a soft female voice doing sinister 'ahhs'. Pointman suspected it was Alma somewhere whispering voodoo stuff into a microphone through the industrial com links located all around the place.

Whatever it was, Betters ruined the moment, «Am I interrupting something? Your breathing has become a bit louder suddenly for no reason. Anyway I'm not calling to know whether you're touching yourself or not; we're picking up JaCowSki's signal. How the hell he came from all the way back there to here on foot is unknown but…check it out; better you than me.»

Speaking of which, as if some voodoo stuff were involved; the one concerned walked passed Pointman: «You don't know who you are…it's fine, right now I don't have the faintest fucking idea who the hell I am either.»

Surprisingly from all the instances in which Pointman saw his zombie teammate, he never once thought to share this info to the rest of the team. Well, fuck 'em; I suppose.

He went on the roof, killed some more replica forces then broke the glass-ceiling dropping into the building without any concerns. The agent he had abruptly landed on felt it though.

* * *

 **INTERVAL 04 continues**

Penetration - Weight Watchers

 _(Infiltration- Watchers)_

Now having infiltrated ArmaScum HQ with utmost success, Pointman made new friends including ATC agents, which obviously stands for ' _Ass To Command'_. Then he found some documents, no alright he pirated one of the computers and found out that the ones running around in cloak and randomly killing ATC agents are named Watchers. No matter, with the slow-mo and this exquisite shotgun; it's like they were all already dead.

Pointman was blasting his way through offices and corridors when one of them invisible playmate hurled a dead agent through a glass pane, then ran off jumping up the ceiling panels. Leaving the cadaver alone to its shitty fate, PM then caught sight of a shadow walking on the other side of a thick patterned-glass wall.

The voice left no doubt as to whom it belonged to and it was far from being sociable as well, «Stay out of my way…..», Fettel let out before disappearing once more while dropping a small pouch of Sweet & Sour sauce.

Pointman felt like saying the very same but since he's too cool to utter a word, fuck that.

Next he ran into more ATC corpses throughout his splendid night in Butchery-Compound, those guys were being hunted down by replica forces under Fettel, Watchers, Pointman and Alma alike; talk about being in serious morale-shattering deep shit.

Our recon one-man-army destroyer, self-proclaimed Terminator, eventually got curiosity gain the best of him and approached one of those enticing red-flickering dots on the phones. Yes, he had done it before, but not in these offices so he pressed the button:

«You have, three, message; first message from Hurlin' Wide: _"Hey, yeah it's Hurlin' Wide, just like the voice recorder announces the identity of every individuals who calls but we all feel like saying it anyway because why the fuck not. So I have a question; do you think I should dye my hairy asshole black or should I keep it salt-pepper? I can't figure it out, call me as soon as you get this; utmost importance.",_ end of first message.»

Pointman shifted feet, the recorder was taking for ever but he wanted to know what the three messages were, perhaps his survival depended on it….Not even close.

«Second message from Hurlin' Wide; " _Hurlin' Wide here, sorry I just dialed the wrong number, must be getting senile or something_. _Hurlin' Wide out_ ", end of second message.

Third message; " _NO no no listen, you just don't get it; back then Fettel was still just a goddamn kid, now we're talking about a highly trained commander with extraordinary telepathic capabilities who's able to control an entire battalion of fully armed and heavily trained soldiers! This guy is the shit; he has a special place in the Apocalypse Itself right next to his even-more-powerful mother_. _He's like a God in creation, do you even realize what this means!? You try to fuck with him, HE FUCKS_ _ **YOU**_ _up with dozens of other men!...wait, this debate just went somewhere horribly wrong. Hell never mind that, he's just not to be taken lightly AT ALL, the guy is-_ ", the maximum space allowed has been reached, end of messages.»

Pointman swiftly crouched down when he heard the familiar footsteps:

«Eagle Six, be advised; we lost contact with Eagle Zero.»

Soon to lose more than just that….Pointman jumped out of cover and shot the first one:

«Target spotted!»

Two shotgun shells:

«Team; take cover.»

«Where!?»

Two more, an arm and abdomen flying off:

«Squad; chicken! »

«...What? »

« _Check in!_ »

«No fucking way!»

Some more cartridges:

«I can't stop him.»

«What's your status?»

 _Dead_ , thought our lone educator-in-the-art-of-killing:

«He just wiped out the whole squad! I need backup—»

Death to the face; _negative, you need a coffin._

Severed body parts here and there, offices destroyed and enemy forces annihilated; good job hero. That's when two Watchers decided to intervene, Pointman used his slow motion by squeezing his right butt cheek and quickly discarded the threat; take that.

Then some orange-haired overweight asshole suddenly fell from the ceiling, receiving white panels in the face and powder in his eyes. Pointman watched as the twit tried to get up, furthermore trying to regain and keep his balance once he did.

This took several weeks…alright, hours.

But it sure felt like eons standing there forced to watch while being unable to blast all this fat to Burger Land.

Or Konami Burgers, pick one.

Betters sounded as if he was content a civilian was found, unlike Pointman, so he and the Lieutenant spoke a bunch of uninteresting shit together to which the soldier didn't pay attention, but he did hear the prick mention his name was Moron MapleApes. After two years of waiting for them both to move on, the Ape finally unlocked the door and began eating some Cheezee Pooz; and by the flat look of the bag, he had already went through the whole thing despite having just popped it open.

Pointman didn't care for overweight people, they at least stood out of his way; but he couldn't stand gross fucker like MapleApes with his shitty ego-inflated attitude. The trigger, it itched him, so damn much... Even the belt the nuisance was proudly wearing was denouncing the unfair treatment it was put through, showing the RFTM letters, acronyms probably standing for 'Retarded Fuck Twit Moron'.

Pointman continued on his mission lest he couldn't suppress any longer the scorching desire to just grab one of those small cacti, and shove it up the guy's fat ass so he'd learn how it feels to actually have to look at his ugly-ass face along with hearing his crap talk. During his search, the soldier came to a shared office where half the place was polluted with tons of bags of Cheezee Pooz so much it made a hill. Further investigation revealed a desk was actually under there; PM felt like pissing on it but figured even his urine was too valuable for that pig.

The soldier calmed down a bit, mainly because he passed his frustrations on the enemies investigating about but it would return whenever he'd spot another bag laying around the complex, the dumb fuck would literally throw them fucking everywhere. Pointman did what he was told thus finding the controls to operate the gate which opened. There was a small monitor resting on the desk near the console; to his utmost displeasure it showed the carrot-headed macaque running towards the exit, which stopped to bend and clapped hand on his ass in front of the camera. Pointman barely had the time to level his mask before throwing up all over the floor and some small-sized effigy of JeezUs nearby.

There goes the delicious soup he cooked earlier. Normally NOTHING provokes uneasiness inside Pointman but this had been far worse than any gruesome shit he ever witnessed. His phalanxes whitened on his weapon; Death Wish status: **Initiated** …..

* * *

Pointman found himself in a place that looked like it was either in the process of being built or being renovated; but it seems they had already added some splash of colors here and there. Along with human bones. All sort of materials were found laying around too, despite a few construction lights located at some places most of this area was left in obscurity. He thought Alma would appear to him here but someone else was seen walking ahead instead:

«You've seen her, haven't you….she is the Original….», Paxton let on cryptically before vanishing... but then reappeared soon after, now neutral; «Do you happen to know where the exit is? This place reminds me of mazes, not that I've ever had the pleasure of visiting one in between the time I was kept secluded as a child, inhumanly experimented upon and poked in the ribs by that stupid old man…»

He disappeared again, Pointman kept investigating as Fettel's voice echoed around him;

«I was made from her, and was born from her: we are separate but one….that's rather interesting if you ask me.»

The soldier walked by a wall where some words had been scribbled in a hurry; it read " _Pastèque was here_ ". An eerie orange glow came from just around the next angle; he turned and saw a double door completely bathed in darkness with flames dancing on the other side. Despite the sight being extremely welcoming, Pointman was not really eager to get barbecued alive but had no other option unless he felt like shooting himself. So he pushed the door open and got attacked by one floating ghost again, which died just as easy. A whisper from his right focused his attention to a little form resting there in the bend. He doubted Alma would just easily let him shoot her in the eyes so he abandoned her there and went for the other double door at his left.

Behind him, she gestured with both her indexes before vanishing.

Ascending the stairs to the door, he was about opening it when another form passed by the windows, and lifting its thin arm telepathically made the glass explode in his face; fortunately he was wearing these protective shades else the shards would have pierced his eyes. He knew they would come in handy someday…..then he was forced back to reality where Fettel's voice was permeating the air again:

«She is a prisoner, floating in darkness; like the unborn in the womb….you like my poetry? Soon I will find her, and I will set her—»

Fettel being who he is, he perceived Pointman's thought then;

«No you degenerate imbecile, I won't set her ' _on fire'_ ; I'll set her FREE! Hopefully after that I can stop looking for her throughout the whole damn city…..», and gone he was.

Betters suddenly broke on the radio almost making him deaf, «Aw fucking shit FUCK ME SIDEWAYS with a spoon! I lost his signal again, I swear Harm-a-Scum did a shitty job with this tracking device; next time you encounter him would you just tweak his left nipple? That ought to make it work; I suggest you run afterwards though.»

After this immeasurable advice full of wisdom, Pointman dismembered some more troops then got reunited with Jin and the soldier accompanying her. They were in that big lobby with the cranberry juice splattered on every single surface. The SFOD-D type.

She took the scenery in, not bothered by blood dripping on her uniform from everywhere above, «Well would you look at that…»

Next Betters was heard, «I suspect you've just received the kinky picture of me naked I sent to your cell phone.»

Everyone stared at Jin, she turned around to vomit; the other soldier took over for her although gross images still flashed in his own tortured mind as well, «I'm here, with Jin, so is Pointman; you're broadcasting to us all.»

Someone was heard falling off of something, then an earpiece being fumbled with and being put back in place. «Right, I knew that pfff, it was a joke.»

Jin wiped her mouth and threw her cell away; «There was a lot of anger in this room…well not just in this room anymore, within myself as well.»

The Lt. coughed, «Great, got any _useful_ information?»

«Yes; **you're a complete asshole that deserves to be impaled with a white-hot poker through the ass like the pig you are, then pissed on and have acid thrown at your face before being lit on fire** **while people laugh at your excruciatingly-slow painful demise**. Also your breath stinks.»

«…I'm getting some interferences here, I'll call back later.»

«Fucking prick. You go on ahead Pointman, apparently I've won the jackpot: got a shitload of things to analyze here. Don't even know where to start; complete liquefaction, this is definitely not cranberry juice…»

Pointman eyed her suspiciously, it's as if she had been reading his mind and destroyed his complex theory, or hypothesis; or whatever other scientific words he heard Jin use in other missions. She snapped a lot of pictures probably to hang on her walls later at her domicile; the woman liked that kind of thing, unorthodox decor.

He walked towards the exit and the other man addressed him on his way, «Watch your back.»

I guess he could always do that; if only his head permitted a 180° turn….fool.


	6. Interval 06 & 08

**INTERVAL 06**

Constipation - Unauthorized Suppository

 **F** at **E** rror **A** pes **R** eturns

 _(I.06-Interception-Unauthorized Personnel)_

This is where Pointman, regrettably, gets reunited with Moron MapleApes.

Betters and him shared feelings again, «You're still alive?»

 _Not for long…._

«No thx to u guys.»

Pointman's upper lip had a spasm _; you're the complete dick that ran off._

«You're going to stay put this time?»

«On my honor….»

Sure, don't fucking make me laugh; if there's anything you don't have it's honor. Pointman left without waiting for orders this time, the Lt. could always irritate his eardrum once he's put a healthier distance between that Ape and him.

Along his investigation Pointman came around some lab just in time to witness a random scientist trying to escape through a ventilation shaft; looks like it was a bad idea, his legs wiggled in vain until he dropped dead to the floor. His own unintelligent scheme maybe or Alma sucked him in there just for the hell of it; who knows, perhaps he deserved it….

According to Fettel he does, so that's settled.

Pointman went around doing his job like the pro he is moreover did what had been asked of him once more; thus permitting the utterly annoying fat fuck to run off again….almost. Well he was speeding for an elevator now that the soldier stepped in the corridor he was in, plus he had the balls to taunt him:

«Say _'YunaRaw'_ , suck her!»

Nothing says 'stupid' more than taunting a skilled armed soldier, with Ape's annoying face and voice no less. One who survived this far as well and has blood all over him, one combatant with his face concealed plus has an eerie mute-behavior, who has been waiting for an opportunity to shoot your insides out all over the room.

Pointman slowed time, not with the Dagger of Time but his trusty cheek, ran to the ugly face poking out of the elevator doors, aimed at it and fired a more-than-deserved round thinking: _It's 'Sayonara', fucker_. He got time to see it all explode on the back wall before the door closed. Unlike all the other heads Pointman had preciously exploded, this time there had been no brain matter in sight; I fucking knew it….

Death Wish status: Completed.

The warrior stood there with fresh blood on his uniform, and for the first time in his life he felt a tiny thread of emotion birth through him; that's when he exhaled slowly out of relief. He also had an erection but fortunately nobody noticed that; he sure didn't.

* * *

 **INTERVAL 06 continues**

Constipation - Aftershave

 _(Interception- Afterimage)_

Pointman was still running around the same facility, amazing how much technical equipment these guys have; anyone with so much as brains could easily concoct an hydrogen bomb in here, so anyone but MapleApes. After trying hard not to tamper with the enticing biohazard chemicals, the soldier met with Paxton again who was standing behind glass:

« _**You**_ _again_ …..» He really didn't sound happy at all, he finished cleaning remnants of snacks with a toothpick then added; «They tried to bury their sins but instead planted the seeds of their doom…. **DAMN** I'm good.»

He evaporated once more but his voice remained; «A war is coming; nothing like those laughable "war" games some players are fond of, NO! I've seen it in my dreams; fire sweeping over the earth, bodies in the streets, cities turned to dust, free candy corn for all. Retaliation…far much better compared to 'Retardation'; my previous dream where there was this man named Bucket they called him, I wasn't even in the plotline, not once. The perpetrators of this tasteless agenda deserve to die….»

Fettel disappeared just in time leaving the unsuspecting man with a new dangerous threat, a heavy armored unit deployed just for him and equipped with rockets just as big. Nothing to it since Pointman had a surprise of his own, in the form of a MOD-3 Multi-Rocket Launcher which he had concealed entirely in his back pocket, and would initiate decimation in the machine's face in a lethally enjoyable duel. It was a firework party like no other, there really wasn't much left of the place when they were done. Sure he almost died but it was all worth it as he now savored his victory seated there among the settling particles and debris, healing his severed limbs with rudimentary medical kits.

He also located his two missing toes nearby.

Later he'd stumble upon more agents pinned down by elite forces, Pointman would blow them all up at once with his new toy, watching them revolve upward in slow motion, admiring the way it all unfolds so goddamn hilariously with their limbs moving about until many seconds later they fell back down dismembered. Jin would have appreciated taking pictures of what was left.

Pointman wasn't done with them however; a medium ATC armored unit was waiting for him outside and it tried pinning the soldier to a wall so he could play dart with his corpse later. The 10mm HV Penetrator the enemy was equipped with was another kind of threat from other weapons, the ammunition pierced clean right through you and could leave you stuck to anything making you unable to move hence wide open for further injuries. Like a stuck pig squealing, making you wish you weren't wedged like that as your blood slowly poured out until much later your death finally came. Got to forgive Mr. the Reaper though, he got quite busy since the fatal trio of Death Givers arrived here….frankly he doesn't get paid enough for extra work.

Death Givers, AKA **FAP** , or Fettel Alma Pointman; four morgues won't suffice so add a couple of dumpsters in there as well… and Kleenexes. Because when FAP is around, there is a lot of that going on, too.

Well happily, Pointman had battled against worse thus dealt with this incoming menace accordingly; he almost received one deadly needle in the knee but dodged in time so there wouldn't be any exasperatingly long-lasting meme created about this trivial event.

* * *

 **INTERVAL 08**

Defecation - Urgent Dismount

 **F** ractured **E** verything **A** spirins **R** equired

 _(I.08-Desolation- Urban Decay)_

Jin, HollyshitDay and Pointman were en route in a helicopter until suddenly evil-Superman flew by giving the pilot a malicious grin plus the middle finger; he also used his laser eyes to sever the blades from the engine consequently ending this encounter in a crash. Of course the poor pilot, that no one gives a shit about; died.

Betters was heard, «Everyone okay?»

HollyshitDay replied, «The pilot's dead…»

Jin looked at the fuming metal carcass, «That goes without saying.»

Betters snickered, «Yeh we all knew the odds of that happening is 207%.»

«Jin's alright, she used her pony tail mimicking a chopper's blade to land easily. Pointman is coming to right about now; fucker's got one hell of a thick head though, heard a loud 'clung' when he hit the ground.»

«OUCH that must have hurt! Better put some ice on your penis buddy!»

HolyshitDay frowned, «….geez _**no**_ , he fell on his head, that thing resting above anyone's shoulders?...come to think of it, you might be an exception….»

«Right, yeah, yeah of course….. What about you?»

«My two arms and legs got severed: I'm cool.»

Jin shot him a glance, hoping her camera had not been dismantled along with the rest of the helicopter.

«Awright buddy!», both members saw Pointman twitch savagely; «Get going.»

HolyshitDay lifted a brow, «You're sending him alone?»

«Unless you want to land a HAND, LOL, get it? Then he's on his own.»

The woman shut her eyes tight, «He just said _'lol'_ …..goddamn I hope he can't get any stupider….»

Blood spurt from the black guy's nose, «Okay, hey Pointman; watch out, these guys ain't fuckin' around. Seriously, back when I was with my squad; I saw none of them taking any breaks to fuck, unlike me and my team.»

Jin perceptively increased the distance between her and him.

«Dayum yeh, we fucked around a lot; good times those, good times…..Brandon was always so nice to me.»

Pointman got on his feet.

More blood started to flow from the black man's ear, «I think I'll just stay here…if something happens; we'll run, kind of…..well Jin will, or fly off with her self-improvised chopper blade.»

Pointman was about leaving but the black man wasn't done, «OH! And and and, if you come across one of those vending machines, could you bust one open and bring some snacks? And none of that dry pretzel shit. Thanks appreciate it.»

Jin coughed and summoned the excuse that she had to go urinate. HollyshitDay was left alone; this is the last time we ever heard of him. Later, suspicions arose that the medic actually never returned to the dying man's side, subsequently that Paxton might have smelled the blood of opportunity and went to finish the job.

In any event, a win-win situation.

Well our lone warrior didn't get any notice of that happening and even if he did he wouldn't have cared. He was making his way in some derelict building until he heard future-corpses ahead communicating again; those really should learn to keep it quiet if they don't want to be surprised.

And they would be taken aback given the type of weapon Pointman had found just laying there for the taking, for some obscure reason. Not one to question Fate handing him such goddamn lethal firepower, the soldier pulled the trigger. An indigo beam erupted from the cannon turning everything it touched into black skeletons, evaporating anything else that had been covering the bones.

After turning the whole squad into fuming remains, he lowered the instrument of doom to glance at it; blue letters written over the length read 'Type-7 Particle Weapon', then in smaller engraving, 'Will Fuck Anyone Up'.

Pointman then gave one hell of a big facial expression; meaning he lifted a brow in admiration.

You bet the other replicas patrolling nearby went through the same sudden and definite treatment; that is until theType-7 ran out of energy forcing Pointman to leave it behind which almost broke his non-existent heart.

In an adjacent collapsed building, a certain blood-stained man was standing in a big gap in a wall. The commando had been watching from afar as his forces were yet getting annihilated, the mute-gorilla was costing him greatly and at this rate he'd soon run out of puppets.

Though a good exhibit, it hadn't been that impressive, unlike Alma doing the very same with the mere powers of her mind alone. In contrast he really was a disappointment.

«Well, can't all be as badass….first prototype.»

He vanished leaving for the next phase of his plan, besides there was nothing left to eat here.


	7. Interval 10

**INTERVAL 10**

Decapitation - His Fault

 **F** ire **E** verywhere **A** lma **R** ejoices

 _(I.10-Revelation- The Vault)_

Harm-a-Scum, Arm-a-Scum, Arma-Scam, ArmaScum and Ham-a-Scum were almost history. Pointman had chased down Hurlin' Wide through the vault; he only had to follow the empty cans of hair dye to do that, an obsession the soldier couldn't quite grasp. Pointman soon saw three replica soldiers run passed him from the other side of some windows, the only thing he found though at the bend was void and flames. Everything was in a blur but PM made out the form of Fettel crouched there, roasting marshmallows:

«You still don't know do you, who you are? Why, you're here…»

Pointman really thought the man was talking to the spongy food until Paxton looked his way and went on; «What's the first thing you remember?»

The commander's face changed to disgust after he viewed an image from Pointman's mind; «Seriously, even by my standard that is profoundly sick…..» The second prototype stood up and threw his snack away, apparently had just lost his appetite and that's saying something. «What's your given name?»

Paxton appeared truly disappointed and rubbed his forehead with index and thumb; «Aside from ' _Point Man_ '….»

The soldier looked around, wondered why he wasn't catching on fire.

«You can't be set aflame by computerized data; can't you concentrate for two damn minutes? Where were you born?»

The first prototype was about to recall something, yes; it was just there at the CORNER of his mind! It was linked to that place where Hamburger whispered…

 _Nah it's gone_.

Paxton felt like strangling him.

«Fine, let me spill it all out; you have no history. You and I were born from the same mother…..starting to make sense now, figured it out yet; the hamster's wheel is turning once more?»

PM remained mute and thoughtless.

«….surely you must have sensed it!? A life of one waking from a nightmare only to find herself deep into another…same for you from that time you used to date that brainless woman, I honestly don't know how you survived that.»

The scenery switched to a cell, Paxton seated on his bed in the left corner reading some Philosophy book, next to his right thigh laid another and the cover read " _How to Properly Cook People: A Cannibal's Best Resource."_

«I, will set her free….at least this time you managed not to think that I would fucking set her on fire…. You're such a disappointment, same as back there in our locked chamber; I am starting to believe you were adopted.»

Pointman's thoughts fired up.

«Oh, _**now**_ you understand….» Paxton sighed and stood up, looked his brother in the face. «Go ahead shoot me, no way I'm kneeling; if you haven't noticed the floor is dirty with footprints and who knows what else. Well even if it was clean I wouldn't be one to kneel in front of a blind idiot such as yourself.»

Pointman just stared so Fettel took a swing and smacked another plank in his face thus returning them both back to the vault. His brother's corpse laid there with a smile plastered on his bloody face, a napkin tucked in his neckline. There was a good amount of cranberry juice all around him, too. Pointman wondered where the hell they all got their supplies now realizing how thirsty he was, he then left and found three replica soldiers sat on the floor playing cards:

«Hey don't mind us, we're just wasting time.»

«Yeah, waiting for the apocalypse to come.»

«Towards the end of the game, or your life, it's that way; have fun.»

Pointman took the small lift up to the main chamber, still hearing the voices of the squad below;

«What do you think we should do with the commander's body?»

«Don't know, one thing is for sure: I am not eating it.»

* * *

The chamber was locked, Hurlin' Wide was behind the door and typing on a console, some of his hair white and the other half dyed black; «Time to fuck shit up, besides I think she suffered enough…after all these years we made her go through hell from the day she turned three, betrayed by her own father plus forced her to go through pregnancy, TWICE if I might add, then taking her beloved sons away and fucking 'em up too; I guess it's about time we assholes set her free now that the damages have been done... It's only natural; I'm so generous and merciful! More so it's not like anyone who has been through that kind of sick relentless abuse would seek revenge anyway.»

The metallic tube before him slowly opened as he was enveloped in some kind of kinetic aura, it also seemed to hurt a lot; good for him. When an older, way-too-thin Alma came out; he exploded thus the view into the chamber was blocked by human remains on the window. Another flashback occurred, or was it now a 'flash present'…?

An Alma that had gone through hell itself appeared before Pointman, which surprisingly seemed to be taking a nap on the floor with his eyes open. She was sickly skinny, lost a lot of muscle mass and bone density from being stuck in that tube for years; thus she began walking slowly towards the soldier but broke one of her leg;

« _ **AARRGH!**_ Got to fucking fix that.»

The flash present ended and the door to the chamber opened, revealing yet another bloody scene, and Alma's red footprints towards the exit. All the crimson messes he'd been in had already started to feel like home, so when returning to his shitty apartment some new decoration would have to be done. Unfortunately Pointman had to shoot some parts of the field generator below before he could leave, too bad since he liked that core, could have watched it revolve around itself for hours.

When the four compartments were taken care of, the whole complex fell into an even thicker darkness, until shit got real. Electrified blue sparks of imminent destruction racked the place and Pointman thought he would get fried. He escaped running through the many areas, barely seeing between the red light sweeping most rooms and the army of floating ghosts attacking him at every turn.

His mother's voice rang in his head, «I call them Nightmares, by the way. Then why are they attacking you? Fun factor. »

Also it seemed to be the revenge of the pipes which blew open spitting flames at his approach but Pointman avoided every obstacle, minus that one metal rod an explosion flung into his crotch; but that doesn't count as failure.

The entire complex shook violently, he saw Alma again twice; her leg seemed fine though she still looked like a cadaver. He never sought to know who his family had been but he sure didn't imagine his mom looking like this or being the most powerful psychic in the whole damn world. No time for reunion as this place was falling apart; she'd probably kill him anyway if he got close, besides, Pointman doesn't give a shit.

After some more attack-defense games with the floating Nightmares, he stumbled in a big hangar where over 100 planks were thrown his way with brute force; now we know where Fettel's plank-obsession comes from. Pointman did his best to avoid them while shooting with his dual pistols since all his previous equipment had magically vanished somehow; he still received many in the face and stomach though. Story of his family.

Then another flashback was triggered showing his healthier mother resting on a medical table, screaming as they took him away from her, «Give me back my baby you fucking sick piece of shit of evil fuckers! I swear I am going to plank-bash and kill every single one of you bastards then defecate on your faces!»

Then a folio was shown, it was a receipt for a soup, next the camera moved to another folio; this one bearing the title of this whole secret ordeal with the name of his mother on it. Then Pointman reacted,…..Hurlin' Wide, Alma Wide, means his name was Pointman Wide.

Oh, the horror; end of flashback.

He ran out of there and jumped through a broken window only to be welcomed by the dawn of the Apocalypse. Huge mushroom explosion erected in the sky followed by dust and much debris, and yes, some more planks. He got whacked in the face by several simultaneously, knocking him unconscious.

When he came to, a helicopter was hovering above him and he heard Jin's voice in his ear saying they had found his corpse, she then rectified that he might still be breathing. Well he hoped to be in one piece as he recalled what HollyshitDay looked like before he died.

Back on board, Jin was sat near the open door allowing a nice view on the explosion below and we could still see the shape of the mushroom in smoke. «Look at that, isn't it beautiful? By the way, where is Alma?»

She shouldn't have asked, oh no she shouldn't have; chopper experienced turbulence and the light died. Jin turned to Pointman and asked what it was thus failing to see what the soldier witnessed. Alma showing up at the door and hanging there staring at him, but since she had lost too many muscles her grip faltered and she fell:

« _Damn I knew this was a_ _ **mistake**_ _ **…!»**_

Fortunately she teleported herself somewhere else, so there is going to be other games.

«What was that sinister scream?»

Pointman shrugged, as if he was going to explain anything anyway, not only does he not speak but it would take forever as well: so fuck it fucking fuckers.

«Hell, you really are mute aren't you; well I like it better than being around JaCowSki or anyone else, they can't seem to shut up.»

On that she turned around and started taking pictures of the explosion, oh the walls at her place are going to look fucking great once she's done.

 **F.E.A.R.**

 _No cacti were harmed during the production of this parody._


End file.
